Missing you Still  / Carol Miller (mom)

I thought when three years passed by, I would no longer cry.

I was so wrong!

I thought if I would sing and rejoice, I would no longer miss your sweet voice,

I was wrong!

I thought once I could sleep again, I would no longer sense the pain,

I was wrong!

I thought someone might fill this hole, and all the hurt in my heart would go,

I was wrong!

I thought you lived your life for Jesus Christ and served Him with all your might,

I was right!

That is why I can sleep at night, I can sing and rejoice, and why I can tolerate this pain, hurt and the hole that has been left behind, because you are with the Master and I will join you someday. Love you ,son

 

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THINKING OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, MY HUGS TO YOU ALL  / Dianna Jacobs (Mother's friends )
Carol and family, you have now gone through the 2nd year
with out your precious Justin, does it get any less painful,
somedays "yes" and somedays "no."  I am now almost into
the 3rd year, can't believe I have lived almost three years
without hearing my daughter's voice, or her naughty giggles,
but we do go on, don't we?

I think of you and your family often, knowing your pain as
I do.  Anytime you would like to visit us at Group, we are
now meeting at the Flora Banking Company, by the Pizza
Hut on new 50 the last Tuesday of each month. We have
something special planned for the 27th if you and your
family would like to attend, music and a special guest,
should be a very interesting evening ( March 27th) We
would love to have you attend this meeting if at all possible,
especially with your husband and family.

Thinking of you always, Carol, and May God Bless you and your
family
My biggest hugs I send
An Angel Mom, Dianna
Our Group website is www.yanasupport.com
Kanda's website is www.kandamjacobs.com
Our church website is www.1stbaptistchurchofclaycity.com



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I never met Walter, but...  / Justin Wiley (none)
Hi,

I never met Walter Wiley, I did a search for Justin Wiley in Google, my own name, and came across the website. 

Despite that, this site makes me feel like I did know him a little.  I know it might not make much different coming from a total stranger,  but my condolences to you and your family.  Through the site, his memory lives on, even with people who never knew him in life.

Justin Close

2nd Anniversary  / Patsy Laycoax (aunt)

Today makes it two years since Justin went to be with God, our loving heavenly Father. I know he is far happier than we are. I remember Justin playing with a little Buddy doll when he was little. He wanted a brother so much. 
They made those just for little boys. Justin and Danny were so cute playing together when they were young. I remember how much they liked to play video games. 
I know you must sometimes wonder why God would take a nice guy like Justin but I think it is also a comfort to know Justin lived a good life. And I know all things work together for good to us who love God.....Romans 8:28
Justin we will see you again soon,either through dying or the rapture. Personally I think it will be the rapture!
Carol your in our prayers and I know God will be near to you this day and always.
                                                  
                                     I love you and God bless you
                                                     Your sister
                                                           Patsy

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It Was You  / Carol Perry (mother)
I briefly caught a shadow From the corner of my eye. And I knew in an instant It was your spirit lingering nearby. I felt the cool breeze Across My face it blew It really seemed t envelop me And I knew it was you! You never spoke a word Your silence echoed back to me But your presence I had needed I'm glad I felt you spiritually. I know now God sees our heartbreak He records our every tear. He lovingly gives us comfort Until the heavy load we can bear. Isn't our Precious Jesus dear? Yes He is!! 1-16-06 i miss you justin Close

Already a year...  / Nikki (Sister)
Gosh, it doesn't seem possible that its almost been a year since you've been gone, but then again, it still doesn't seem possible that you are gone. I miss hearing that mellow voice say "hey sis" everytime i call and then give me a hard time everytime i ask for mom. I still can't seem to erase your name and number off of my cell phone, its like your slowly being erased from our lives, and this is my last little bit to hold onto. I hate that you won't be here for holidays, and to Ashley grow up, and to be here when i have kids. Whoever said life isn't fair, was right. Sometimes life downright stinks. I know this isn't the end; I will see you again one day, but right now it seems like its the end. So until I see you on the other side or rather up above. I'm thinking of you, and missing you always. Love you Nikki Close

God said  / Natasha Miller (Sister)

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all the holidays  / Carol Perry (mom)
hey justin,
            our first thanksgiving came and went and while we got thru it witHout LORDS help it was not easy. but God heard a mothers cry and blessed us with your beautiful headstone. it meant so much for us to get it put up and the angel is so fitting of you. i realize now why you always seemed to have some deep insights to alot of problems people were facing even tho you had never been married or had children. but you were doing God's work all along. i miss our bible studies and talks and game  nights with your sisters. i miss you making me laugh or doing  your silly dance-can i even really remember it? i get afraid at times i am forgetting what it looked like.you never know what waits on the other side of a door knock- for me my whole world changed on one millisecond when i opened that door and heard that aawful news that i would not see or touch you again.But God is so merciful in He stays everf by our sidea and dries our tears. when i put in the paper before christmas for all your friends and coworkkers to send me cards with memories inside of you to help get me  thru-noone sent any(they probably never even seen the ad)but God held me each night and helped me and the girls get thru. we dont' talk to each other much about your departure into heaven - maybe  we havent figurd out how yet. but the holidays were not the same with your chair empty and still almos t a year later so many days i just want to scream from how bad my heart hurts until i get alone with the lord and He fills me again with His Holy spirit.i love Him so much and He has made it possible for us all to be togethr agian someday. isnt jonathan a cutie? isnt Ashley so adorable and still stays at our house quite a bit to talk about "monkey J" with nana. she misses u so much and just the other day she asked "nana when is monkey j coming home? he lives here nana" isnt it wonderful that God has also blessed me in the midst of the heartache with grandchildren. and now Nikki is pregnant! isnt it so wonderful we love u J Close

Year of Firsts .......  / Natasha Miller (Sister)
We had your nephew on October 2, 2005 at 4:00pm. If you were here I know you'd think he was just as adorable as Brianna was when she was born! This year we had our first Thanksgiving and Christmas without you, everyone missed your jokes and your laugh, it just wasnt the same as it used to be. It just doesn't seem possible, even after all this time, that we are all just going on and living our lives and your not with us anymore. Everytime we are outside and the stars are out, Brianna picks the brightest star in the sky and says "That's our Monkey jay star" you would be so proud of her, she is soo smart and such a good big sister to her baby brother! We tell jonathan about you all the time and he just smiles, I like to think that when he's asleep he dreams about you. I pray that you help me to make the right decisions, cause you know how stubborn I am, I could really use someone's help right now. I love you and we all miss you so much, hopefully soon we will be together again! Close

Thinking of You  / Lori Jourdan (Friend and co-worker )

Well i just wanted to tell you justin, that on sept. 25th 2005 i received jesus as my saviour, as where i knew of him before and was in and out of churches all my life thru my parents, this is the first time i knew him, it is a pretty awesome feeling, something thats really hard to explain to people that do not know him yet, i feel the time for all of us is coming soon and we will all be with you again,ive been talking to anyone who will listen about god and i keep them in my prayers, cause i now know where i was headed and how scared i get thinking of a horrible place i could of ended up if it wasnt for the grace of god that he gave me a 2nd chance to be back with him, and i only hope people will listen and get right with god before its to late, i think of you often and talk to people about you, how sweet ,caring, big hearted person you were, I miss you and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your friend Lori

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good times  / John Anspach (best friend )
Well as  the summer goes bye, i just remember all of the times that were good. All of the times that we would just hang out and do nothing but play  video games or just watch tv. The many times that we would go play golf at any golf course and just play all day just because we loved to play the game. I still remember that justin was the first one of us too make a hole in one a par three. Its was at governers run in carlye on the par three course with all of  his friends that  night. What a shot it was, i did not believe it at all ,but it happened. As the bowling season ended with out him i know that he was with us all the way. I know that he would have loved to see Ed bowl his 300 and his 800 series in person, but i know that he was with him in spirit, and was watching from above. I know as we began another season of bowling on Friday night without Justin, I know we must go out their and bowl even though he's not with me on my team in person, but always on the team in spirit and in heart. We will try are hardest too win as much as we can thru the year and i  no that you will be with us win or loose. I know that justin is in greatest place of all , with the lord. I know right now that him and my dad are just having  the greatest of times.  I know that they are up their watching the cardinals play baseball, watching nascar, and watching over all of us at the same time.  My best wishes go out too all of the family and friends. I know that you are still with us and are taking care of thing. i know that a  lot of people miss you, including me. I also know that when i get too heaven that you will the first couple of people that i see. Best wishes too all.
                                       Your best firend
                                        John Anspach Close

Our Big Brother...  / Nikki Totsch (Sister)
When I see a little sister and big brother playing together, I often stop and think to myself, what a blessed little girl. And then I wonder, when she gets older, will she appreciate his protective nature and willingness to defend his little sister for the simplest cause.—And then I begin to think of you, my big brother and I see me, you and Tasha playing just like those two little kids—and I remember the numerous times you felt the need to protect us (even if we didn’t want you to)—and undoubtedly I’m sure I never told you thanks. I look at those little kids playing and I know that little girl is indeed blessed, because you see, I am that little girl. I love you & Miss you Nikki Close

when i awoke  / Carol Perry (mom)

yesterday morning was the first time i forgot you were not on earth with us. i had not gotten much sleep the last few nights and i really slept good this night before and when i awoke i gasped because i  thought "oh my God, i have not heard from Justin in so long. what if something has happened to him" and for a few seconds i wondered why i had not realized sooner that i had not heard from you. then the truth came stealing in to remind me you are in heaven now. i wept thru out the day, more for me and your family who miss you and for your friends who miss you, than for you because i know you are so happy. justin, i remember when i had been diagnosed with cervical cancer and i had been so terrified of death even tho i was saved. so i prayed so hard for God to take away my fear and when i was sent home after  surgery you threee were at your dad for the weekend. i began hemoraghing and the nurse told your stepdad the meds i was on would make me feel like i was dying.  so as i began to get weaker from losing so much blood your dad finally seen that something was very wrong. he began to get meready to go the hospital i passed out.i remember hearing your dad begging me not to leave him(die) and i was thinking about how my children would take it if they get word that i had died- i waswanting to hold each of you again. i immediately went to a riverside where there was no light and yet i could see perfectly andi knew Jesus was holding me and rocking me beside this  cool water. He was so gentle and i tho could not see him i felt him and it was  so beautiful and i was begging Jesus to keep me with him and not to send me back. i could not remember anything on earth except i did not want to leave this beautiful and perfect place to go back. but Jesus told me my  time had not truly came yet and i would have to go back. He seemed so lovely and full compassion and i knew i would not die because He would not let me see His face. and then just as immediate as i had entered this place with Jesus, i entered my body again and while a second ago i saw my husband carrying my blood soaked body to the car  i felt the cold night air andi was back in  my own body and i now do not fear death because i am ready and i know now how loving God was tome  to prepare me for your untimely  departure from earth and that i would have that sweet peace that you were with Jesus andwhen you beggedfor him not to send you back that Jesus held you and said "Justin enter into heaven, my son, you have been a good and faithful servant" thank you Jesus

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Part of the Gang...  / Lisa Brubaker (Friend)
I guess when I first met Justin was in Feb of 2004 when Randy and I started dating.  He was already part of the "Gang" at the alley.  After league would end on Friday we would all go congregate around the Golf machine and watch them play.  Such a funny group of guys.... and Justin would always speak to me..as if to make me feel comfortable cuz I was new to the group!  I never really got the chance to know him very well, but I always knew that he was a kind, gentle, fun person to be around.  My heart goes out to all of the family.  And we will all get to rejoice with him again someday when it is our time to go home.... Close

your birthday  / Carol Perry (mom)
well june 20 came and went and how did we ever get thru that day except
that God gave us more of His strength. We all fixed your favorite foods and dessert. after lunch we played your favorite card game, golf. we took balloons to the grave and let them go with little messages on them and i had hoped someone would find one and call us but noone did. life is full of disappointments but you knew that more than any of us  i think. i sit here and sometimes i feel so alone on earth! i know i am not but i work strange
hours and it seems hardly noone has time to come by. the day was full of us thinking of you and little ashley still asks some times "nanna, when is monkey j coming back?" i cry poor little thing does not know this is permanent until we go home to your new house. i am glad son you listened as God showed you what needed to be removed in your life and walk slowly beside dad dean down heaven's path and one day  i will join you! i love you and i miss you soooooooo much! Close

Missed and loved by so many  / Lori Jourdan (friend from work and bowling )
Kinda like John said, what can i say that hasnt already been said, he was all of that and more. I worked with Justin and i bowled with him. Not at day at work would go by that justin would not make me laugh or smile, We talked alot, he talked about you(mom) alot he loved you so much. We would always carry on with each other on friday at work if i was goin to bowl against each other about who was gonna win then he would do this goofy lil dance and of course make me laugh i still see him doin that. He was a very special guy. Another friend of justins at work her name is Amy we are also friends and still talk about justin and how sad it is without justin around. Its like a person who knew justin could just go on and on about what a loving,caring, funny, sweet young man he was and for thos who never got the chance to know and see that in justin really missed out. I catch myself talking to him in heaven and like all the rest cant wait to meet him again.For his family and friends  i send my condolences my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Close

why hasn't the world stopped ? / Carol Perry (mom)
justin, today a sales lady called and asked to speak to you and it seemed so natural to almsot say "he is at work" but i hesitated a few moments before i told her you were "deceased" such an ugly word- it sounds as if you do not exist anymore! i slammed the dishes into the cabiner and slammed the cabinet doors and banged all the pans together and then just cried. i had so much anger inside me and i wondered again for the millionth time "why hasn't the world stopped for your departure?" people are still rushing about , not knowing some of us has lost a big part of ourselves. but that is our human side and we all have done it . but then Jesus reminds me that there are so many who still call and send cards and how about that beautiful arrangement on a heart that John's mom put out at your grave? i know you love it! i do too. she has been so sweet and how about dianna jacobs -she has really been a big help too. and john, such a sweetheart to stop so often and see me and wanted to come by on mom's day - i cried afeter he left to think he thought of me.and he had just to been your grave the other day and i know he has so much hurt and loneliness inside too from missing you but such is life the pastor says on tv - you cannot ahve living without having dying also . and that is so true. and remember how we always kept each other posted on how dusty jones was doing -well i'm sure you were right there to greet him and become best friends with him in heaven. so i am going to out my pain into something postive and call his mom and go talk to her to let her know she is on my heart. and then the Goff family from kinmundy just lost her husband.,the children lost their daddy, and i know you have met him also. heaven must be so wonderful! i will call and go see mrs.goff also since i hav been in her shoes too. keep cheering me on son, i almost think i can hear you sometimes whisper "keep fighting thru the trials, mom don't give up - heaven is so awesome!" Close

heaven and my son / Carol Perry (mom)
justin,
       my dearest son, how lonely the days are around here without your
smiling face and witty jokes! i still cannot believe that you are gone and i am left. i am glad i have nikki and natasha and ashley and mark to lean on. i am sorry son that your dad and i did not make  our marriage work- but sometimes when we are young and foolish we do not see how we are
hurting each other. it hurt to see the only 2 photos in your wallet was of
ashley(that one i expected) and your dad and i at my senior prom( that i did not expect). i knew then that in your mind you wished we were still together and that we both could have and should have spent more time with you! i pray we do not make the same mistake with nikki and natasha!
i have learned once again, how precious time is and how short life is and when we are dying, i heard a man say once that we will not say  "i wish
i'd spent more time on my career or on my hobbies" but instead will say
"i wish i'd spent more time with my children and family" how true that is .
i do not care if i ever make alot of money but i pray i will always  be there
for my other two childrenwho are still with me on earth. i go, justin, often to see the ditch where God asked for you back from me, and i just weep or sometimes i just sit and wonder what were you thinking  about as your life departed earth. i imagine you saying "wow! what just happened to me? and then you see the Saviour picking you up and you say "so this  is death? i just passed right thru it and how beautiful it is here lord!" and he carries you to your paradise with others and you tell them all about how
we are all doing here on earth. i imagine dad asking you about mom and denny and all of us kids, i imagine your grandma phyllis  asking anbout your dad and all her family. i imagine dad dean asking about me and all his dad and grandma hildred asking abou grandpa and shiela and mid and all them. you are perfect in everyway now and you have perfect knowledge and i imagine you saying "how i wished i'd done more on earth formy wonderful Saviour!" and i know we will all say that when we arrive about ourselves also. i only pray that lives change justin, people willl stop this ridiculous drinking and partying and start living their lives for Christ no matter what the cost! i refuse to go to hell for anyone and i pray all my family gets right with God and starts living for Him. i love you son and i miss you until my heart is going to split in half i think- i cannot wait until i  see you again but for now God has more for me to do- so walk slowly thru
heaven son - and soon i will join you someday. a day with the Lord is as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day! lov e you son.......mom Close

My Tribute to Justin / Patsy Laycoax (Aunt)
Justin you were such a sweet and kind and loving child. I am so glad to know you had not changed after you were grown. I wish I had still been able to see and know you. But it means so much to have a son like you,your mom was blessed in that way. I know your in heaven having a wonderful time. You have so many others there with you. I can imagine dad your grandpa, asking how the cardinals are doing. I know all of you are so happy to be with our Lord and Saviour. The way things on this earth , it will not be long until we all are there. Thanks for being a good example for us. Until I see you in heaven.                Your Aunt Patsy Close

missing you / Natasha Miller (Sister)
We have succesfully, or at least somewhat, gotten through Easter. All i can think about now is that the fourth of july is so close and i can't imagine having to celebrate it without you this year. Last year we was all together and we watched the fireworks and it was ashley's first time getting to see them and getting to play with sparklers! 
I wish i could call home or go to mom's house and I could talk to you about the baby and just about life in general. The house is just so quiet and sad now that your not there, there is no longer baseball or football games blaring from your tv in your room. I never go in your room because I know that I will see it clean and tidy with everything in its place and that just reminds me that your not coming home this time (you was never one to keep things tidy).
This year is going to be full of firsts without you and it will be sad, even though we all know that your in a better place its still sad that we can't see you or talk to you. Well until i go home and get to see you again I will  continue to miss you and write to you. You was the best big brother and Ashley and I miss you so much.
                                                                     ~Natasha & Ashley~ Close